Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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