You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
