You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
