I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
