If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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