I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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