i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
