my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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