right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
