yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
