he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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