God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
