he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
