Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
