my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
