My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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