I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
