oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
