I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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