this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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