Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
