I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
