I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
