Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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