It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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