So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
