True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
