Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
