At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
