It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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