well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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