Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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