Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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