I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
