Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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