Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
