He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
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Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
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I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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