I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
