Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
