you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
