I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
