Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've blown a few things in my day
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
