i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
