wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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