So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
