happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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