Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
