Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
