last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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