hell yes lets make some ravioli
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
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In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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