Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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