I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
