Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
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You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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