god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
