I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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