ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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