I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
