I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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