Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
