I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
