Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
