I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
