i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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