Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
