You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
40s are totally the cure
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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