she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
