I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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