): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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