Tell her she can't have a vagina
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
