all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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