True but thats because hes a fetus.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
